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A Year Of UnExpected Growth

Updated: Jun 15, 2022

The year 2020 has come to end and wow, what a year.

Like everyone else, 2020 was a rough one. Not only because of the pandemic that has affected so many individuals, companies, and small businesses.

But, also because of love, loss, and growing pains.

This year for me came with a lot. A lot of emotions, a lot of change, and a lot of tears.

I shared a little in a YouTube video about my first break-up. That has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to deal with.

Not just because I lost a love but because I lost a sense of familiarity, and a best friend. Throughout the year I tried so hard to save all those things because I was afraid to let go and let what had died, remain that way. I miss that best friend. I miss what I knew our friendship to be.

The more I tried to keep something that was changing, the more my heart ached and the more disappointment I felt. It was so hard accepting that while I may have to say goodbye to a certain chapter of our relationship, I could say hello to another.

I had every intention of doing that but I started to learn that my mind was moving faster than my heart.

Because I was trying so hard to save what I had, I wasn’t giving myself the proper time needed to process the anger, hurt, and fully grieve my loss.

Quite honestly, I was afraid to let my best friend down too.

I didn’t want to hurt him.

Or, disappoint him.

Instead, I was letting myself down.

I finally realized that I needed more time to completely let go and move on.

While all that was going on I started a course to learn food photography and start my own business while also creating my blog and channel.

Naturally, a lot of other emotions and obstacles came with that.

Financially I had to invest a lot of money in classes and all the things I needed. Learning in a classroom and then applying it in the real world is always different and a new learning experience.

Because I’m a planner, I had hoped to graduate by a certain time but I haven’t. Because of that, there were so many moments of disappointment and self-pep talks.

But, I’m still working hard and reaching my goal.

Creating this blog and channel was a scary thing. Wondering if anyone would care. Wondering if people would support and follow me. As a human being, you also struggle with thoughts of comparison. I couldn’t help but wonder if anything I had to offer would be good enough compared to all the other girls that do this too.

That’s the funny thing though. Dreams are always fun until you have to start reaching.

Reaching where you’ve never gone before.

Things can always seem simple when written down on paper. But, it’s when you have to expose your heart and bare your soul that you decide how important something truly is to you.

Through what seemed like chaos, my trust, faith, and self-worth were really tested and developed.

There were moments of complete stress.

Nights of crying myself to sleep.

Many questions that started with “Why?”

A lot of times I couldn’t understand certain things.

It’s not an exaggeration when I say that this past year brought so much heartache.

A lot of people didn’t know that or couldn’t even see it. But it was there.

The one person who knew every thought, every feeling, and every tear before it was even cried was God.

Because of him, during the most difficult year, I have become a stronger person than I even knew I was capable of being.

I made the choice to take my season of singleness and draw closer to God, my family, and stretch myself.

Because of that, my confidence has grown so much. I discovered a heart for young girls in the foster system, bought a new car and I’m moving out. God also blessed me with an incredible friend. Some people could say it was because of one good decision I made stepping out of my comfort zone. I say it’s all the little decisions I made up that led up to the decision that day.

I’m sharing all of this to say:

Through all the challenges and pain I discovered things that were way more valuable.

1: Life is full of ebbs and flows.

2: Change is constant. Even though some may hurt more, not all will.

3: How you use your time now jumps starts to who you can be later.

4: Just like nature, there’s a season of growth and a season of shedding. Sometimes God needs to step in and remove things from our lives that don’t help us fulfill his purpose and plan for us.

5: You are capable of more than you think you are!

6: Real growth takes time.

7: God knows best and works in mysterious ways!

There were a few situations this year where I tried new things and took a chance but ultimately I remained honest and sought God’s guidance. Each time something strange would happen to cause that situation to go away without an explanation but then I would find something out later. Something that showed me it was in my best interest. Ultimately, I knew it was God working and protecting me because I remained under his covering.

This year has truly been about letting go and letting God paint his canvas. Any shape, line, or color he wants to paint, I’m his masterpiece.

No matter what this year or what the future holds, remember it’s not this single season of life that defines who we are. We get to choose who we become during hardship.

Diamonds are formed through pressure.

And you are one too!


-Samantha Nicole

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